1.
i want to scream.
everyday, i open my eyes and i want to scream. i want to tear my hair out. i want to break windows and use the glass to claw out my eyes. i want to hit cars with a bat. i want to bite people. i want to speak in tongues. i want to writhe about on the ground and froth at the mouth.
i want to become so feral everyone else around me feels as unsettled as i do.
because everyday, i open my eyes and
i
want
to
S C R E A M.
2
but i don’t.
3
to be a black girl is to be all knowing
to be a black girl is to be all knowing of the ways people fuck with you
to be a black girl is to be all knowing of the ways people fuck with you and claim they are not
to be a black girl is to be all knowing of the ways people fuck with you and claim they are not and for everyone to believe they are not
to be a black girl is to be all knowing of the ways people fuck with you and claim they are not and for everyone to believe they are not and for everyone to turn to you and say “you’re crazy”
to be a black girl is to be all knowing of the ways people fuck with you and claim they are not and for everyone to believe they are not and for everyone to turn to you and say “you’re crazy” but still, you are all knowing.
to be a black girl is to be all knowing of the ways people fuck with you and claim they are not and for everyone to believe they are not and for everyone to turn to you and say “you’re crazy” but still, you are all knowing. you know you’re being fucked with.
to be a black girl is to be all knowing of the ways people fuck with you and claim they are not and for everyone to believe they are not and for everyone to turn to you and say “you’re crazy” but still, you are all knowing. you know you’re crazy.
they’re
fucking
with you
you’re crazy.
you’re crazy.
4
no one believes you. you are that woman peeling at the yellow wallpaper and no one believes that the way the voices speak to you is so fucking rude. even those that love you will test you. even those that love you will never understand. even those that love you will fear you. you will stand in a mumu and bonnet before all those that love you and still they will say,
“you’re being negative.”
“why let it bother you?”
“it’s not that deep.”
fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. love me. fuck you. fuck you all. love me. fuck you. fuck you. understand me. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you.
FUCK YOU
5
advice for darkskin women on how to teach those around you to care
vomit
cry until you wither
claw at chalkboards
beat at your chest
rock back and forth
scream, scream, scream
you won’t.
no, you really won’t. you should. but you can’t. that isn’t for you. pain where they can see it is never for you.
pain where they can see you is never for you
6
“stop dwelling on it.”
“there’s nothing you can do.”
“it happened. let it go.”
7.
it is what it is. there is no amount of positive thinking to save me.